When Hufflepuffs Attack
by Being a Scrub
Summary: Natasha is a Hufflepuff of many talents. Most of which boil down to inserting a smidgen of chaos into Hogwarts life. If she just so happens to take the entire cohort of Ravenclaw first years under her wings, well, that's not her problem. Crack!fic T for occasional swearing/language.
1. Chapter 1

Like all FanFictions, I do not own Harry Potter nor any of the easter eggs you may or may not find in here. The characters that are my own are...my own. Any likeness to anyone real is unintentional etc etc etc. Hopefully you enjoy it. It was just a random Crack!fic idea I had of a Hufflepuff adopting a wayward group of firsties. I may write more, but as of now it's a one shot. Any mistakes are my own, and I tried to keep it timeline/canon compliant (for the most part). Enjoy!

* * *

Natasha Olchevskaya was a Hufflepuff. A fifth year Hufflepuff to be precise. She was to Professor Sprout, a troublemaker of the most frustrating kind. She was a kind, cheerful, and playful student. She had O's and E's across the board and Flitwick often lamented he'd missed out on an opportunity for a brilliant Chaser. No, her troublemaking lay in her split-second decision making when approached with simple problems. It wasn't the split-second that was the problem, it was the absolutely ridiculous _solutions_ to the problem which kept Professor Sprout well stocked with headache potions. It was one of these which turned Hogwarts upside down for a number of years.

It was the evening after the opening feast at Hogwarts. Natasha was whistling as she wandered jauntily, trying to stretch her legs in anticipation of the first day of classes. She glanced at her pocket watch, curfew was nearing. She continued on, rounding the corner before halting abruptly outside the Ravenclaw common room. It appeared all of the first years had gathered by the entrance, trying to get inside.

"Hello little Ravens!" She exclaimed cheerily, her Russian-Irish accent causing looks of confusion amongst the little first years. She grinned at the six owlish eyes blinking up at her six foot frame. Coupled with her impressive height, her warm brown eyes and cheerful grin did little to detract from her initial intimidating appearance.

"Having a little trouble with the riddle are we?" The firsties nodded frantically, one boy looked close to tears.

"W-we said the answer bu-but he's s'not letting us in." The tearful boy stuttered out. Another little Raven, pulled him into her side, a determined glint written on her face as she encouraged him, "Don't you worry Anthony, we'll figure this out, we just have to stick together!"

Natasha cooed internally at the sight. A Hufflepuff Raven with the bravery of a Lion. Adorable. She'd go far.

"Well, I may be a 'Puff but we've got brains of our own. What's the riddle then?" She turned to the knocker, which, despite being made of metal, sniffed imperiously, refusing to answer her. She turned to the little ravens – little of course being relative, she was six feet and still growing, they were all regular sized eleven year old's, ergo: very small humans.

"Right. Do you know the riddle rule? Mind you it's a personal one." The six Ravens shook their heads, eager to learn.

"Fuck 'dem riddles!"

The first years jumped, blushing at the use of the curse, the knocker protesting, "Now see here!"

"Other than the fact that it's downright stupid to have to answer a riddle every time you need to get something for class you've forgotten or shower after a long day, and ignoring the fact that the only reason this ponce won't give me – someone who is NOT a member of your house – the riddle, is because I've answered all of them correctly. He's being a ponce."

The eyes of the first years grew wider and wider with every word, glancing at each other at the end.

"We could give you the riddle." A shy girl with massive glasses whispered from the back of their flock.

"Then I am afraid I must change the riddle." The knocked said, voice uncomfortable.

Natasha rolled her eyes. The young Ravens looked terrified, tired, and close to tears. She made a snap decision.

"Right you lot, follow me. You can crash with me in the Den." She said, smiling warmly, ushering them away from the protesting knocker. The first years looked (understandably) confused, but were relieved.

"Now can I get some names? I'm Natasha. I play Quidditch, I want to be a magical explorer and Nando's is the right best buggering place in the world." Clearly swearing around the impressionable youth of the wizarding world was not a concern for her. The Huffleclaw Lion spoke up, responding like a recruit at boot camp. The only thing missing were the ma'am's.

"My name is Natalie! I don't know Quidditch! I want to be...um A TIGER WRANGLER! I think Hogwarts is the best buggering place in the world!" Natasha grinned and reached to ruffle her hair.

"Right good introduction there little Nat. Love the enthusiasm! I'll let you know if I find any tigers on my travels." Natalie beamed. The tearful boy, now looking more hopeful raised his hand.

"Can I go next?"

"Course you can! No need to raise your hand there lad."

"Um...I am Anthony, but I want to be called something else. Uh, my mum plays Quidditch, and I want to be an assistant tiger wrangler? Oh! And my favorite place is Dover." He stumbled over his words, cheeks flushed as he kept glancing at the determined face of Natalie. Natasha stroked her chin.

"Right, for now, how does Tony sound?"

Anthony nodded vigorously. They'd reached the stairs now.

"Alright you lot, watch your step on the tenth one, it likes to vanish. Who's next?" The girl with the massive glasses shyly looked up from her place in front of Natasha as the steps moved slowly, as if understanding the nervousness of the first years.

"I'm Patricia, m-my favorite sport is Quidditch but I like football. I want to make spells, and the best, bugg- the best place is, um with my mum after a match."

"My name is Richie! I love swimming! I want to fight off dragons! The best buggering place is Gringotts because they have rollercoasters!"

"I'm Niamh, I don't want a nickname, I want to be a Magizoologist. I don't like Quidditch, I think bugs are scary."

"I'm Gregory. I've never seen a match. Do the balls hit the crowd? I want to be a teacher and I think bugs can be cool."

Natasha's smile grew wider with each introduction as she carefully escorted them further into the depths of the school, heart swelling with 'Puff pride as her little Ravens – and really they were hers now – nodded at each introduction, listening keenly. They were adorable. They all turned to her as one at Gregory's introduction. She stopped, they were outside the kitchens. She tilting her head to one side. They clustered around her.

"Right, Gregory-"

"I wanna be Greg! Dad never lets me shorten my name!" Natasha blinked owlishly, nodded and ruffled his hair.

"Right, anyone else have a preference?" Richie and Natalie raised their hands.

"I want to stay Richie." Natalie nodded in alongside him.

"I just want to be Nat."

"I want to be called Patricia."

"Alright then you lot-

"I want to be Gabriel!" The last one came from Anthony. She looked at him for a long moment, bobbed her head and tickled the pear. The painting swung open.

"Welcome to the kitchens my little Ravens!"

"I'm not little!" The mumbled protest came from Niamh, but they followed her inside. The house elves were working cheerfully, tidying up the kitchen as Natasha's ragtag flock wandered inside with curious caution. Each group froze at the sight of each other.

"Little Ravens, these are the kitchens! All you have to do is tickle the pear for access. These lovely Beings are House Elves. They take care of the castle, do your laundry, and ensure all your little tummy's are full at meals and can even bring you snacks in between if you _ask politely_."

Several of the House Elves looked close to tears, and were smiling brightly at Natasha.

"Miss Tasha is too kind! So kind! Is the little ones hungry? Did they not eats enough at the feast?" One House Elf spoke, going from adoration to horror at the thought of the 'little ones' – who were quietly grumbling and blushing about not being little – going hungry.

"I'm sure they ate Poppy, but I need some snacks to tide them over and some Pajama's. The Knocker is being a right ponce, and there's no way I'm leaving this little flock in the halls at night. A few school kits and some bunk beds in the den for them would also be helpful." The House Elves sprang into action, whipping up a massive basket of food, sliced fruits, wrapped sandwiches, thermoses of hot chocolate all while others popped in and out. In less than thirty seconds they had a basket of food, each first year was handed their school bags, and Poppy informed them the den had been set up and they were sent on their way.

In less than ten minutes, Natasha led them through winding halls, and to the entrance of Hufflepuff house. Of course, she made sure each one of them knew the knock before leading them all inside.

The common room was half full with 'Puffs lounging around, joking, and generally relaxing. Natasha got several waves, many chuckles, and the amused shaking of heads from the entire room. The little Ravens were greeted by everyone with either a quick hello, a wave or a formal introduction. By the time Natasha led them to her room, almost every single 'Puff save two Prefects and the first years (who were off on a traditional Hufflepuff bonding adventure) had met the new Ravens.

There were gasps as they entered Natasha's dorm. She had a four poster bed (of course) but had transformed it to be large enough for "lounging with a lion" (McGonagall had NOT appreciated Nat's idea of a final project, even if it was harmless). There were three sets of bunkbeds, each with its own chest of drawers. Their trunks sat at the foot of the beds. The six scrambled to claim a bed, with three looking decidedly more comfortable on the ground. Natasha checked her pocket watch once more.

"Right you lot there's a few bathrooms behind that second door there, wash up, change into your pajamas, and we'll do a few games and stories before bed.

There was another mad dash and a few bumps, but nothing for Natasha to sort out. She took advantage of their distraction and began to prep the room with a pillow fortress. It paid to befriend the House Elves.

* * *

In the meantime the fifth year Ravenclaw prefects were beginning to panic. Stephanie Rothschilde was berating her partner. He'd sent the young Ravens ahead while he went to speak with Sinastra about transferring into her more advanced class. The young Ravens had apparently (according to the irate knocker) been trying to solve the riddle for half an hour. This was all she could get out of him before he refused to speak. Apparently too many students had been belligerent that day and he didn't feel like giving out information.

"I don't care Tristan! Grab the rest of the prefects and find the Head Girl! I'm going to get Professor Flitwick." Tristan sprinted back into the castle, knowing where at least two of the prefects were.

Stephanie took a deep breath, smoothed her robes and moved down the hall to Flitwick's office. Flitwick was rather amused at first, summoning the rest of the prefects and the Head Students with a wave of his wand before sending them out to search the castle. Two hours later, and with no luck, he was far less amused.

"Tristan Pennyworth, with me, we're going to the headmaster. The rest of you continue searching. Ms. Rothschilde please go to the kitchens with Mr. Aberdeen to see if the House Elves know where the children are." They disbursed quickly.

It should be noted that Mr. Aberdeen was a right git when his sleep was interrupted, and he had a habit of vocalizing his irritations at a low mumble. House Elves have excellent hearing - it makes them incredibly efficient. So while Stephanie is kind and gentle, (if incredibly panicked) while she asks Poppy about their missing Ravens, Mr. Aberdeen's low mumble of "brats messing with my sleep schedule" caught the attention of every Elf. House Elves, like most magical sentient species valued children. A potential threat to the kind little children Ms. Tasha had brought by, and the potential threat to Ms. Tasha was not taken too kindly. Poppy gave Stephanie no information. The House Elves wouldn't stop glaring at Aberdeen.

Stephanie didn't notice the glares, (though Mr. Aberdeen certainly did), and left dejectedly while Mr. Aberdeen wouldn't stop glancing around in terror. Angering a House Elf was supposed to be incredibly difficult to do, and no one with half a brain wanted to be on their bad side. Unfortunately for Mr. Aberdeen, his intelligence was of no use in this scenario and he would find himself under the watchful eye of the entire House Elf population.

By midnight, all of the faculty and staff had been recruited to search for the lost Ravens. Two hours later, the students were sent to bed, and McGonagall had called the Aurors.

* * *

That same morning, Natasha woke with a sleepy yawn, trudging into the bathroom for a shower. By the time she exited, hair in a towel (sometimes it was nice to do things without magic), comfortable muggle clothes on (it was a Sunday after all), all six of her Ravens were stumbling out of bed, hair askew, tidying up their trunks. They'd stayed up a little late and Natasha let them raid her chocolate stash. All were half dressed and looked up in sleepy excitement at the sight of her.

"Hello chicklets. Why don't we head to breakfast? I'll take you on a tour of Hogwarts after alright?"

"But we're not dressed." Gabriel protested. Natasha blinked slowly at him, taking in their attire once more.

"Right. Dress however you like and we'll leave momentarily. Don't worry about hair, I know a Griff who knows some amazing charms." The six first years needed no more and they grabbed what they needed and dashed to the bathroom to change. Natasha marveled at Hogwarts' ability to create new spaces at the sound of six doors slamming at once.

Ten minutes later all of her Ravens, freshly scrubbed if their damp collars were any indication, trailed behind Natasha through the hallowed halls. By the time they made it to the great hall, all six had asked a dozen questions each, were excitedly chattering to each other about classes, magical creatures, and arguing over who knew most obscure Quidditch rules. The Great Hall was mostly empty and no one was at the Ravenclaw table except a few third years.

Natasha took them on a detour to the Gryffindor table dropping the kiss on the head of her girlfriend, one Isabel Johnson, older sister to Angelina Johnson, though the young girl had yet to enter the school. If Natasha remembered correctly, Angelina wouldn't enter for another two years. The Ravens watched with wide eyes, several blushing. Isabel tugged Natasha to sit behind her and beckoned each Ravenclaw forward to fix their rumpled hair.

"This is my girlfriend Isabel-"

"That's like my mum's name!" Gabriel exclaimed in excitement as Isabel tamed his dark mane. Natasha chortled and popped him gently on the head.

"That's a fun coincidence then, eh lad?" He blushed and she continued, smiling brightly at him, "this is Isabel Johnson, my girlfriend. Isabel, meet my little flock."

"Is there a reason you've got a flock of baby Ravens in tow Nat?" Isabel asked, amused as she worked Patricia's long blonde hair into a "Viking braid of death" per Natalie's suggestion. Natasha merely grinned.

"It's not my fault they're small adorable humans who's door guardian wouldn't let me help them."

"Well let's get them fed then."

With exclamations of joy, Natasha led her flock to the Hufflepuff table, girlfriend in tow. She made sure to seat them three on each side, Natasha with her back to the door, Isabel opposite her, little Raven's on either side.

"All we need is a few Slytherins to complete the set." Natasha joked, passing plates of food to each of the first years. Isabel rolled her eyes as she poured water for the firsties.

"You already have the adoration of the third years, after that stunt you pulled last year."

All six heads snapped to Natasha, who was blushing sheepishly, each of them clamoring for a story.

"But the Slytherins are scary." Greg whispered. Natasha laughed and began to tell them how she won the admiration and allegiance of an entire class of Slytherin's and how she managed to gain a fan club in the process. All accidentally of course

"It all starts with a concept known as Malicious Compliance..."

* * *

Meanwhile in Dumbledore's office, he was getting the bollocking of his life.

Madame Bones was not pleased Dumbledore had not only managed to lose six first years somewhere in the castle, (or worse in the Forest), but he hadn't even been the one to call her. McGonagall held the most pinched expression he'd seen in his life, and Flitwick and Sprout were not far behind. Snape was not in the meeting, because he was still dealing with the aftermath of two, potentially three years of Slytherins who were obsessed with Malicious Compliance. He was already handling howlers.

"It's been twelve hours Dumbledore! Twelve! And you weren't even the one to call my Aurors! Can you explain why your Deputy had to summon me, after you insisted the teachers, and eight students would be enough to find children in a massive castle, or Merlin forbid, the Forbidden Forest?" Bones demanded, voice icy. She was flanked by two Aurors.

"I'm sending two additional squadrons to the forest and a third the help with the castle. One more piece of interference and I'll bring you before the Wizengamot! Do you want to explain to Lady Griffiths why her eldest child is missing? Or Harvey Ridgebit? He may be dead, but his son continues his work on the reserve Harvey founded in Romania, do you really think losing the grandson of the greatest Dragonologist in the last century is going to help the relationship we've been cultivating with Romania?" Madame Bones was on a roll, "Not to mention the Lewis and Marquis clans! They may not be of wizarding blood, but they will have our heads Albus!" With each leveled accusation, Dumbledore seemed to shrink deeper into his gilded chair. Bones had barely finished before a jackal Patronus burst through the door. A smooth calm voice emanated from it.

"Madame Bones. The centaurs have not agreed to help, citing Saturn. We have found no traces in the children so far into our search, however we have come across a massive Acromantula nest. I am requesting permission to summon Mathilda Grimblehawk to negotiate with them if at all possible. We await your orders and will only attack if threatened. Fox out."

Madame Bones turned to Albus, her face tight with rage. He'd internally groaned when this Fox Auror had mentioned the Acromantula nest. He'd been hoping they wouldn't go that deeply into the forest. Amelia's voice was ice cold.

"Albus. Care to explain _why_ there is a nest of class five magical greatures who are in _**NO**_ way native to Scotland in a forest on the school grounds?" She demanded. Dumbledore's mind raced, searching for a...reasonable excuse.

* * *

Down in the great hall Natasha had just finished coaxing some stories out of her recalcitrant girlfriend (how she didn't end up in Slytherin was beyond the Hufflepuff) when the Ravenclaws finally began to trudge in. The rest of the hall was half full and had been fluctuating throughout the morning. Isabel frowned as she popped a forkful of eggs into her mouth. The prefects were all exhausted.

"Darling?" She asked.

"Yes poppet?" Natasha murmured, absently helping Niamh peel an orange, the young raven used the peels to build a surprisingly accurate replica of the Hufflepuff den. Isabel took a moment to enjoy the sight of the flock all enjoying their breakfast. Natasha still hadn't noticed her own owl nestled in the dark locks of her hair, braided and coiled neatly at the nape of her neck.

"Did you happen to do anything to the Ravenclaw knocker that would...adversely affect the prefects?" Natasha looked up, confused. Isabel tilted her head towards the Ravenclaw table, one of prefects was actually face first in a bowl of oatmeal. Another had caught sight of Natasha and immediately sprinted out of the hall. She turned back around.

"I didn't do anything to that ponce."

"Natasha! Language."

"English."

Isabel gave Natasha a light glare. It was entirely ineffective, and both Natalie and Gabriel giggled to themselves. Niamh took this opportunity to ask a question.

"Tasha, do you have a nickname?" Natasha gave a wicked grin.

"Well Isabel likes to call me-"

"Don't you dare!" Isabel protested.

* * *

Amelia Bones was in almost to the entrance hall, having sent a Patronus for Mathilda when a Ravenclaw prefect, Rothschilde's girl if she wasn't mistaken, came barreling towards them.

"Professor Flitwick- great hall- ravens" She panted out before sprinting away, leading the four to the great hall. The entered, pushing past the students. Flitwick was hot on her heels, sprinting like a goblin possessed. Rothschilde pointed to the Hufflepuff table where a Hufflepuff sat with all six missing Ravenclaw's and a Gryffindor. The Gryffindor in question immediately locked eyes with Madame Bones, looking confused. Pomona groaned behind her. Amelia turned.

"Of course it's Natasha." Pomona whimpered, rubbing her temples in anticipation of a massive migraine. The five of them marched to the table. Amelia wanted a damned explanation.

"Excuse me." She said, voice tightly controlled. The young woman turned and Amelia wanted to reel back at the familiar face.

"Hello Madame Bones! How can I help you today?" She was cheery and not concerned in the slightest.

"Would you please care to explain why you are in the company of the six first year Ravenclaw's?" Amelia's voice was practically cold. Natasha was certain she could see frost emanating from her mouth.

"We're having breakfast." Was the confident slightly confused answer she received from the fifth year.

"Ms...?"

"Olchevskaya." Natasha provided. Amelia nodded, internally sighing, she'd hoped her family moved back. She didn't need more insanity from the family.

"Ms. Olchevskaya, are you aware that the entire castle has been in an uproar trying to find these six Ravenclaw's when one of the prefects learned they'd never made it past the knocker?"

Natasha looked unconcerned, blinking in the face of the head of the DMLE. She shrugged.

"It hardly could've been the entire castle in an uproar seeing as no one contacted the other house prefects." At this Amelia turned to the three heads, Natasha continued blithely, "Doesn't Hogwarts have some sort of mystical ward thing that lets the headmaster know when students wander off school grounds after curfew?" She mused, peeling yet another orange for Niamh.

"It was dismantled in 1903 because Dippet got tired of waking up every time students snuck out of Hogwarts." Patricia said quietly, blushing when the attention shifted to her. Isabel stroked her hair soothingly, allowing the girl to relax.

"Huh, good to know Patricia. We'll be sure to use that when I take you ducks on our first off-the-grounds bonding trip." Natasha said, whipping out her quill and parchment to scratch a few notes. These of course, would eventually vanish into a suspiciously deep pocket.

"Minerva, discipline this one as you see fit, I'm headed to the forest where things make sense." And with that, Amelia Bones marched off to deal with giant spiders. Natasha was too busy writing to protest, but her little ravens did it for her, loudly and with many accidental puppy dog eyes.

"Ms. Olchevskaya, where were my ravens sleeping this past evening?" Flitwick asked with a frustrated sigh.

"In the den with me of course." She frowned, "I'm not going to leave six innocent little-"

"We're not little."

"Sorry Niamh, six _not_ little innocent firsties out on their lonesome so close to curfew. What if the Nargles had come for them?" This led to groans from faculty and cries of shock from the firsties, who were now desperately trying to cling to Isabel and Natasha. Isabel scowled at her girlfriend, who was grinning unrepentantly.

"Natasha, you and I both know Nargles do _not_ patrol the school halls." The Ravens relaxed. Natasha winked at her girlfriend, a retort out of her mouth before Isabel could stop her, "Yes, I believe it was after thorough testing we found them to infest mistletoe." Isabel's dark cheeks hid the blush, but Natasha grinned, knowing the reaction she'd caused; she'd probably suffer for it later

"A months detention for not informing me my ravens were trapped outside the dorm." Flitwick growled out. It was rather intimidating for the first years and they shrank back from the normally affable professor. He flinched and knew he'd made a mistake. Natalie puffed up, yes, she certainly was the lion of the bunch.

"We're not _your_ Ravens! We're Tasha's!" She practically shouted. If the entire hall hadn't been paying attention up to this point, they certainly were now. Isabel rubbed Natalie's back, the girl was rightly worked up. Flitwick tried to backtrack.

"Ms. Lewis, I apologize. However, Ms. Olchevskaya should have let either myself, Professor Sprout, or at minimum one of your prefects, know that she'd found you. It was not her responsibility to take you. Happy though we are that you were safe with her, she should have contacted one of us."

This apparently did not please any of the children, they were a smidge confused, but they were sorted into Ravenclaw for a reason.

"But the knocker knew!" Gabriel protested.

"Yeah! And he was being mean! He said he couldn't help us 'cause Tasha was there!" Richie added.

"And all Tasha did was be really good at riddles. He's just being prejuiced!" Gregory shouted. Niamh whispered across the table to him. He nodded and turned back to Flitwick.

"I mean, he's being prejudicial!"

Pomona had to stifle a giggle. Flitwick hadn't witness what chaos Natasha injected into Slytherin last spring and was thusly unprepared for anything large scale the girl would do.

"That is all well and good but-"

"Tristan left us alone!" Greg interjected.

"I thought Ravenclaw's looked out for each other." Nimah said sadly.

"The Hufflepuff's were really nice."

"Natasha got us bunkbeds."

"And she got Isabel to give me Valkyrie hair!"

"It's not her fault nobody asked Hufflepuff." Interjected Richie. His worry for Natasha getting in trouble faded to sadness.

"Did you not care enough about us to ask the other houses for help?"

The blood drained from the faces of the three heads, Flitwick in particular. Natasha immediately pulled Richie close, cooing to him as she tugged him up into her lap.

"Now Richie, Professor Flitwick does indeed care for his house. However sometimes wizards are just plain stupid." At this point the heads protested, but a fierce glare from Isabel halted any response. She continued, "Sometimes we make poor decisions in the face of stress. Even Ravenclaws can be a bit dim."

"Even us?" Patricia asked quietly.

"Even you. Though with me and Isabel, we'll make sure it doesn't happen too often." She replied with an exaggerated wink. She hefted up Richie and with a wave of her wand, removed any spilled food from their robes and faces.

"Come along now little ducks, we've got some exploring to do! There's a whole abandoned section I haven't explored yet!" She strode out the hall with her line of Ravens, ducks really considering how the toddled after her, in tow, her statuesque girlfriend following along. Isabel turned to give a cheeky wink. Minerva was going to be sad to see the girl graduate. She'd enjoyed having such an excellent Chaser.

"Flilius, I do believe you've been outsmarted by one of my 'Puffs." Pomona chortled.

"Don't forget about my Lion. Though why Ms. Johnson wasn't sorted into Slytherin is beyond my understanding."

Filius just stared blankly, wondering how he'd been subverted so easily.

"Well at least nothing else will disturb the year." He said quickly. Minerva and Pomona gave him looks of abject horror before they moved rapidly off. Minvera's robes billowed behind her as she rattled off instructions to her colleague.

"I'll contact Poppy about re-stocking the hospital wing. You go write to the Board of Governors. Why did he have to jinx us?" Minerva groaned.

This was the start of a hellish three years. A pity Minerva wouldn't get a break until she retired. Those first years would be sure to continue the legacy of Natasha Olchevskaya, Badger of Chaos.


	2. Chapter 2

Natasha took her flock up seven flights, down three and through twenty-six different hallways before reaching the abandoned section of Hogwarts she'd found the final day of the previous year. She tapped the stone, trying to remember the appropriate combination. Finally the stone gave way, the grinding of the stone filling the air. Dust and cobwebs filled the passageway. She turned to the firsties with a grin. Isabel let out a squeal of joy. She lived for these adventures.

"Who's ready to get dirty?"

* * *

Off in the Forbidden Forest negotiations with Aragog were not going well. Mathilda Grimblehawk had been summoned to (hopefully) negotiate. Now that the children had been found, Amelia's goal was to move the Acromantula to a warmer place, and more importantly, a place that was not three Quidditch pitches away from the doors to a _school_.

Mathilda was trying to reason with Aragog. She'd taken Hagrid with her and forced Amelia (who was incredibly unhappy it) to remain behind.

"I cannot in good conscience move my colony to some unknown location. I do not know you, I do not want to know you. My children are barely containing themselves with the thought of fresh human flesh." Aragog clacked. His dry voice muffled inside his lair. Mathilda turned to look up at Hagrid, who shuffled his feet a little.

"See, 'e don't mean no 'arm! There's no need 'ta move 'im or 'is family." Hagrid interjected, uncomfortable under the gaze of his oldest friend, and the experienced Magizoologist.

"That's all well and good Aragog, but what of when you pass on? You're nearing the end of your lifespan. When you die, your children will overrun the forest, and press on to Hogwarts, you must understand, we value our children above all else. We would like to come to some sort of accord with you." Mathilda's voice was almost musical, a low soothing sound. Aragog made the acromantula approximation of a low grumbling hum as he settled into his lair.

"This must be thought on at great length." Mathilda mentally groaned and prepared for a long few days. She was glad she packed snacks.

* * *

Natasha led her flock down the dusty hall, an orb of light floating above them while she cast detection charms every ten feet. Not that her Raven's had known. Isabel followed with cleaning charms. While she was a Gryff, there was no need to be dustier than necessary. She was glad the children were in comfortable clothes. Natasha kept a running commentary.

"Look at this! Another snake statue! I feel like Salazar had a snake complex. Anyone of you speak parseltongue? Maybe it leads somewhere?" Natasha turned to look at the group, staring intently as if their potential parseltongue ability would suddenly appear. Her Ravens blinked at her while Isabel tried to stifle her giggles.

"C'mon, statistically it's got to be one of you. I know Isabel can't- Ow! Woman! What the bloody hell was that for?!" Natasha protested, rubbing her arm at the stinging hex. She pouted at Isabel, who was chuckling at the six Ravens glaring at her.

"My wand slipped." Was her amused reply.

"Mmhm, 'my wand slipped' says the lady who never does anything without deliberate intention." Natasha grumbled good naturedly. The Ravens giggled.

"Right, easy way to do this. Are any of you afraid of snakes?" There were six head shakes. Though Greg seemed a bit green at the gills.

"Alright, I'm going to summon a snake. If you can understand it, brilliant! You can talk to snakes. If not, well crotchety Salazar gets to keep some secrets."

"I say! I'm not a fucking crotchety old man!" Came a voice echoing deep from within the passageway. The Ravens all jumped while Natasha merely grinned.

"I never said you were an old man!" Natasha shouted back, marching further into the passage, her Ravens following timidly, with Isabel murmuring reassurance.

"Gods be damned! Don't tell me I've been found by a Gryffindor." The voice coughed violently. Natasha grimaced. That did not sound pleasant. They came to a circular crossroad, the passage expanding to an ovular shape.

"Technically only one of use is a Gryff. Though the entire school is of the opinion she should've been a Slytherin." Natasha quipped, glancing down the three new passageways.

"At least you've got the sense to travel with a companion. How the bloody hell did she end up in Godric's house if the school is in agreement?" The little Ravens were a little less scared, and now glanced curiously at Isabel. She blushed.

"I may have threatened to set the hat on fire if he put me in that house of scum. Besides. What real Slytherin would be placed in Slytherin. Especially since the house is in the absolute pits right now?" Isabel called out. There was more muffled wheezing and coughing coming from the left passage. Natasha beckoned the others down it, still casting detection spells.

"And WHAT has led to my name being considered a disgrace? Stop casting detection spells! It's messing with my wards!" Natasha paused for a moment before continuing to cast spells.

"Do you really think I'm going to believe the most conniving, clever, tricky wizard in history? Well, the most famous for those traits I suppose. Besides. You can thank the whole "Mudbloods are filth and should be purged from the school" shite that you spouted. I mean really, what did you expect? Your house is filled with mostly Newblood hating violent offenders." Several of the Ravens frowned.

"Tasha what does that mean?" Richie asked tentatively, his voice echoing down the passage. Natasha didn't have time to answer.

"What on earth are you doing bringing a CHILD down here?!"

"It's our bonding adventure. Tradition with all new first years." She said matter-of-factly, patting Richie on his head. She stopped for a moment, prodding the wards, determining them to be nothing serious after glancing at Isabel to confirm.

"No...please god no. I'll take Gryffs, please tell me you aren't a bloody bollocking Hufflepuff!" The painting begged. The group had arrived before a heavily dust coated painting, presumably of Salazar Slytherin. Natasha was grinning from ear to ear, removing the dust with a wave of her wand.

"Hello Sally. I'm Natasha, Chaos Badger." His cry of frustration echoed through the passageways.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore sat up in his office, startled. The two Aurors glanced at each other, still standing at attention, watchful.

"Curious." Albus stroked his beard, staring out at the Forest.

* * *

Salazar's portrait was practically sobbing while he muttered under his breath about "Helga's damn brats" before devolving into parseltongue. Gabriel tugged on Natasha's shirt. She turned and knelt down.

"What's going on ol' chap?" He bites his lip.

"Um, he's saying a lot of rude things about Hufflepuffs, can we hex him with Miss Isabel's spell?" A dark grin spread across Natasha's face. She stood, straightened and spoke to the painting.

"Oh Salazar!" She sang. The founder stopped to glare at her, "My lovely lad Gabriel here has something to tell you." Gabriel stepped forward, a dark glare on his face.

"_It's rude to insult people if they can't understand you! Mum always says insult people to their faces!"_ Of course for the rest of the flock, it all sounded like snake hisses. Natasha holds out her hand to Isabel.

"Pay up."

"How did you know?" Isabel hissed, arms crossed.

"I'm a wizard."

"That makes no sense." Isabel deadpanned. Natasha stuck out her tongue and focused on the gobsmacked looking Salazar as Gabriel laid some sort of verbal smackdown on the founder.

"So you gonna let us in or what?" Natasha was passing out Droobles Best blowing gum to the Ravens. Salazar was still bewildered and opened the wall without a second thought. Natasha went first, still casting detection spells all the while. The light orb flew to the top of the room. It was a cozy three story library. A fireplace stood, unlit and cold, across from the group. Isabel moved them inside quickly.

The two fifth years set about lighting the torches and fireplace, Natasha didn't understand how wood had survived for so long, but she supposed Salazar had an excellent grasp of preservation wards. The children quickly fanned out, looking at the books of the ground level, their fingers twitching with the deep Ravenclaw desire to devour books. Salazar filled the massive painting above the fireplace.

"How on earth did you commandeer a portion of the first year 'Claws? Let alone one who is clearly fluent in parsel?"

"Tasha found us outside the knocker!" Greg exclaimed, jittered from his place in front of a necromancy section.

"It just sounds like English to me." Gabriel shrugs, "My mother says we've got Naga somewhere down our line."

"Intriguing." Salazar stroked his pointed beard, "You will learn parselmagic from me. Merlin knows I have little else to do.

"Can I take this medical book to my mom?" Natalie called, standing in front of what Natasha thought might be a demon summoning section. She was holding up a book that practically stank of blood and death.

"CHILD PUT THAT BOOK DOWN!" He exclaimed. Gabriel glared at him. Natalie just looked down at the book.

"She just wants to play. I think she just needs a friend. Or a special friend." Natalie mused, entirely unconcerned. 'Special friend?' Niamh mouthed, confused.

"Child please, that book shouldn't even be down here. It holds the darkest of souls, a devourer of all evils, it corrupts all that it touches, please place it back where you-"

"Oops." Natalie said, sounding completely unapologetic, more surprised than anything really. She'd completely ignored Salazar and undone the buckle of the book. The book warped in on itself, a black mist spreading out from within, surrounding Natalie, filling the room until it formed a massive solidifying figure that stretched its arms wide. Niamh's mouth dropped open.

"Holy shit." All heads turned to the quiet Irish girl. She paid them no mind

"**Thank you for that release little one.**" The being spoke, its voice echoing despite the excellent sound proof nature of the room. "**Now I do believe I'm quite hungry. It's been far too long. Take care Child of the Healer. Daughter of Valkyrie. Listen to the star. You will never be led astray.**" The being vanished from the room, a trail of shimmering dust following her.

"This is why I never let Merlin damned 'Puff's near my snakes. Too much blasted chaos!"

"Natalie did you just release a being of great potential evil?" Natasha asked gently. Her wand was gripped tightly in her hand. Natalie was still in shock and answered in a daze.

"Um. Yes?" Natasha scooped her up in a massive hug, whirling her around the room.

"I'm so proud of you! This is such a great start! C'mon little ducks! Let's explore!" And she guided her group deeper into the library.

* * *

Amelia Bones was tired of waiting. She had the patience to endure Bagnold, and now she was developing the patience for Fudge, but she hated waiting while a colleague (granted Mathilda was in a different department, but she was still a valued colleague) was speaking with a beast, creature, being, a thing that could easily tear her to shreds without even blinking. Her Aurors certainly sensed her impatience and we shuffling around her.

"Fox." A short wiry female Auror was at Amelia's side in seconds.

"Contact Mr. Marquis's mother. If Barty's reports were right...she might have a...solution to our Acromantula issue." Fox gave a sharp nod and immediately moved to the gates, apparating as soon as she was off the grounds. Amelia turned back to the forest.

"Damned Morrigan."

* * *

"Hufflepuff girl! Get back here!" Salazar shouted. He'd been trying to get the entire group to come back for at least half an hour. Isabel was of little help corralling her partner and merely given a sly smile and practically skipped to follow the wayward Hufflepuff. He was incredibly frustrated. There was a reason Helga was the most feared out of the three of them. Though given what little he'd managed to glean from occasional discovery every two hundred years or so, her fearsome reputation had given way to a network of cunning well connected Hufflepuff's who'd taken to the loyalty and hard work policy of Helga's to the highest level.

"You rang o' crotchety one?" Natasha said, peering at Salazar from the second floor on the right hand side. He glared at her.

"You need to explain what the hell happened to my house and Helga's! Why-"

"Is your house filled with magic hating idiots with no concept of their own inbreeding?" Natasha finished for him. He whimpered.

"I just wanted to keep the muggles from following their children to Hogwarts! It's not my fault they were brainwashed Christians who thought they would kill the rest of us for being some sort of devil worshippers!"

"Yeah whatever, I figured, tell me about Helga. Was she the badass I think she is?" Natasha said, waving off. Slytherin grumbled and reached for a book behind him in the painting. He flipped through it.

"Hmmm, at our first meeting I described her as 'The most terrifying, intelligent, belligerent, fierce steaming pile of chaos level destruction who could never manage to actually accomplish something long term.'" He snapped the book shut. "I was of course, proven wrong. Once I witnessed her insanity and propensity for chaos was passed down to her students, I made mine swear to never 'fuck with a 'Puff.' Of course that may have fallen out over time. There's a reason our school motto is 'Never tickle a sleeping dragon'. The end of that is of course, 'because Helga will ride that bitch into the sun and drag you along for the ride.'"

Natasha looked like a love struck idiot. She'd always imagined her founder as some sort of badass Pirate Viking but this was even better.

"I still have no idea how she managed to find someone willing to procreate." He grumbled. Natasha looked mildly offended on behalf of her founder.

"NIAMH CAN I BORROW YOUR FIRE BOOK?" Came shout from deep in the library. It was Richie. There was a click and a massive "WOOSH!" A giant fireball headed straight for Natasha. With practiced ease, she directed it through the nearest window where it seemed only to grow in size. She twirled her wand in her fingers, letting out a low impressed whistle watching its trajectory.

"THAT'S SO COOL! DO IT AGAIN!" Richie shouted. There was a faint sound of scrambling feet as the other ravens congregated to the source of the fireball.

"My firsties are the best." Natasha cackled, sauntering off to hopefully inject a little more chaos into Salazar's life.

* * *

Mathilda had been waiting patiently for over an hour while Aragog muttered and clicked to himself while he tried to make a decision. She cocked her head at the low rumbling she could hear. Her hand twitched, fingers aching to release her wand from her holster. She thought for a moment she could hear shouting. She tilted her head towards the castle. A massive fireball was making its way directly towards them.

"Hagrid we need to move!" She ordered, teeth gritted, tugging on his massive arms.

"O now, tha' would be rude. We 'aven't-"

"NOW Hagrid!" She demanded, beginning to Sprint away from the nest. She paid no mind to the spiders clicking angrily around her. Hagrid easily caught up with her, his large frame moving slowly, though his strides more than made up for it. Aragog had finally noticed. But it was too late. The fireball hit. Mathilda reached into her trusty satchel, pulling out her broom, and leaping on to it. She cast the most powerful featherlight charm she could manage without exhausting herself onto Hagrid and tugged him up, weaving in and out of the trees before breaking through the treetops. The two watched, Hagrid sobbing, as more than half the Acromantula nest was totally and utterly obliterated.

"Well, fuck me." Mathilda muttered in surprise.

"'E was just a baby!" Hagrid sobbed/bellowed behind her, blowing into a giant kerchief. Mathilda just really wanted this to all be over.


	3. Chapter 3

Niamh was wandering Salazar's private library — though in reality it belonged to all four of the founders, Salazar had petulantly hid it and Rowena and Helga never bothered to un-hide it. Helga figured one of her 'Puffs would eventually discover it (they were adventurous little shits, though a Griff might also be a possibility) and Rowena had simply snuck in a back door and figured it was the only logical way to find it.

Back to Niamh. She was wandering the Hidden Library, trailing behind the explosive ball of energy known as Natalie, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that her housemate managed to gain the favor of a higher power. She herself was rather excited. She had a... _slight_ propensity for fire. Her discovery of "The Book of Flames" had of course, peaked her interest. The resulting set of spells which were burned into her mind may have incited a series of maniacal laughs which caught Natalie's attention, (and Richie's), hence the "Giant Fireball of Awesome" the book had shot out when Richie crashed into the resident pyromaniac. Natalie of course, took this as a great opportunity to drag Niamh to a section of red books she'd found, demanding Niamh learn as many fire spells as possible so Natalie could create a Balrog.

Niamh stares at her housemate, head tilted curiously. She'd of course, never heard of such a creature. Natalie was both horrified and took great offense to this. Not at her housemate, but at her "subpar magical creature education".

"Niamh, tonight we're making Nat read us the Red Book of Westmarch." Natalie said, her voice low and serious, genuinely astonished her friend was unaware of this highly important piece of wizarding history.

Of course, Natalie wasn't aware her mother had been joking and was then later too amused to correct her first born, but of course, the path was now set. Niamh chews her lip. Like any Raven, especially of the duckling variety, she was incredibly concerned about not knowing something deemed important. Important of course is relative, but to be fair and frank, even for highly intelligent Ravens, much like the fickle concept of truth, this understanding was just out of their grasp. And so, since Natalie deemed it important, it was important to Niamh.

"D-do you think you could teach me before classes start? I don't want professor McGonagall to think I'm behind. Could she help with the conjuration?" Niamh asked, her voice soft, tightly clutching the heavy tomb to her chest, wand clenched firmly in hand. Natalie nodded, smiling.

"Yeah! It's only like three books, and I think runes are involved..." She trailed off, perking up in surprise, staring up at the vaulted ceilings. Niamh followed her gaze. Isabel was standing on the ceiling, reading through a large recently dusted tomb, wand drawing symbols through the air. The two Ravens moved closed to each other, voices reduced to a whisper.

"Maybe she can help." It was Niamh. Natalie nodded in agreement

"My mom always says it's the quiet ones."

"Your mother is correct Natalie." Isabel said, her drawl startling the two as she looked down at them. "Now why do you want to summon a Balrog little ducks? I don't think the two of you would be nearly experienced enough to fight one off." She was of course joking. She was also forgetting one of her girlfriends' rules 'Never underestimate the power of belief and imagination when it comes to magic.'

Natalie was confused, Niamh even more so.

"They have fire swords and fire whips and they can beat dragons. I wanna beat a dragon." At this news, Niamh's eyes became near impossibly wide. For a girl who loved the flickering, dancing, roar of flames, a girl who took every chance she could to study the crackling force of nature, hearing that Balrog had _weapons_ made of fire was akin to throwing a match into the Darvaza crater: a fire had been lit that would burn for eternity. This left Niamh with one option: she grabbed Natalie by the front of her shirt, and her nose was suddenly less than an inch away.

"I want a fire sword Natalie. And I want daggers. We need to find Nat." And with only frantic, stunned nodding from Natalie, Niamh dragged her friend off to find their Badger. Isabel let out a small huff.

"This is going to come bite me on the arse." She let out a resigned sigh, laughing softly before returning to dismantling the strange wards in the ceiling. There was just enough Griff in her to want to see what happened without thought to the potential consequences. Just enough.

Further into the library, Richie was feeling downtrodden. He'd taken the fireball rather personally. For as cool as it was, it "clearly" didn't like him and thusly he was doomed to cause unintended explosions. Was this perception correct? No. Would it eventually be corrected? Most likely. But now was not the time to concern oneself with the future. Now was the time for Richie to discover what cool elemental magic he _could_ use without such repercussion. And so, Richie, of course, stumbled into one of the possibly more dangerous sections of the library. Botany.

Richie had stumbled on a section of the library which seemed to have a living growing tree as part of it. At the top of the tree, hidden behind branches the size of his body was a softly glowing book. This book, was of course booby trapped to hell and back, but this mattered little to the young Raven and he used his not insufficient tree climbing abilities to slowly make his way to the top. Gabriel wandered into the same area around the time Richie was halfway up.

"Richie!" Richie's grip slipped and he had to shove his hand into a previously disillusioned knot hole in the tree. He was unable to hear the small thrum of magic. He glanced down, barely able to make out Gabriel's face amongst the leaves and branches gently prodding the first human face they'd seen in centuries.

"Hey Gabriel! Did you need something?"

"Yeah, where's the creature section? Mother said she wanted to 'unleash the wrath of a thousand Nazgûl on the council, and I wanted to surprise her for Christmas."

Richie blinked in surprise. Lord of the Rings was real? Maybe... Stomping footsteps dashed towards Gabriel. It was Greg, he was covered in blue melting snow and his hair was frozen. He'd never looked more chipper.

"Did you say Nazgûl? They're real?" He demanded of Gabriel.

"Well... yeah. Mom said they're like these things that have soul eating weapon things. She wasn't clear on it." Gabriel adjusted his glasses. Greg fist pumped, bouncing up and down as he breathlessly rattled off information. "I think they're called dementors now. The ministry controls a bunch. They guard Azkaban. Can't be too hard to summon a few. I think they get used to track down criminals."

Gabriel nodded slowly, pondering this.

"This so cool mate! I can't believe LOTR is part of wizarding history! I'm going to write my da'!" And with this he sprinted off. Stopped. And sprinted back, shouting.

"I set off a snow storm twenty rows down on the middle tier floor, it kinda calmed down but it was really cold. There's a section on warming charms right before it, be sure to cast a few. I'm going to see if I can make a home for ice beings! This is so cool!" He sprinted off once more, his footsteps rapidly fading. Gabriel, lost in thought, barely remembered to shout his thanks.

"Thanks Greg!" Gabriel called after him, before running (in the opposite direction) shouting, "NAT I NEED TO GO BOUNTY HUNTING! DO WIZARDS NEED BADGES FOR THAT?!"

Richie frowned. Hopefully Nat could get enough badges for all of them. He continued his climb.

* * *

Amelia Bones was trying so very hard not to unleash her not insignificant wrath on Hagrid (for introducing Acromantulas to the forest) and Mathilda (for blowing them up...allegedly). Mostly Amelia was pissed about paperwork. Random giant exploding fireballs coming from Hogwarts meant a _minimum_ of twelve stacks.

"And WHY pray tell did you not just, I don't know ENCOURAGE the flames to destroy ALL of the Giant. Merlin. Damned. Spiders?" Amelia growled at Mathilda. The woman in question was irritated and bemused. The fire was still burning.

"Other than the fact that I was too busy saving my arse and Hagrid's? They're sentient beings Amelia, I'm not going to murder them in cold blood." Her voice was low; her once soothing tone took on an icy exterior.

Heavy thuds emerged from the forest and one of Aragog's surviving children leapt at the two before the Aurors registered its presence. Mathilda sent a silent curse at the being with nary a flick of her wand, sending its guts careening across the clearing, smack dab on the recently arrived Lady Marquis. She was not amused. Amelia whimpered. Mathilda grinned.

* * *

Patricia was currently laying on top of one of the many bookshelves, a cushion under her head and a book propped on her knees. She was scribbling in the margins, humming. She paid no mind to the shadows emitted from the book, nor did she consider the haunting echoes softly emerging from its very cover. Her attention only wavered as a yell in the distance broke her concentration.

She sat up in surprise, legs dangling off the side of the shelves, shadows prodding at her trainers. She could see a massive tree on one side of the library and Richie playing a game of tug of war with the branches while he dangled in mid air.

She immediately dropped the book with a loud thud, wincing, hoping the gods of knowledge weren't planning on smiting her then and there, before leaping across the aisle below to the next set of bookshelves, determined to make it to her housemate. She tugged her wand out, leaping again, already puffing with exertion before she cast her first spell.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" She pointed at herself, feeling her body lighten and begin to float. Using her wand like a joystick at an arcade (that she had definitely not snuck out to) she quickly made her way to Richie. There was a shout from up ahead. It was Gabriel. And he was...shouting a series of increasingly rude words at the tree, trying to climb up it.

All the while, Richie was laughing, and threatening to turn the tree into pulp.

"Right you piece of lumber! Let my feckin' book go and I'll consider not sending you to Niamh to set your arse on fire you fecking piece of shit!" Richie spewed, giving a branch a vicious kick. The tree branches shuddered and rippled, the leaves blowing in some sort of non-existent magical wind before the tree settled, letting Richie grip the book. The branches formed into some sort of platform, complete with some very squishy looking plants forming into some sort of seat, playfully ruffling Richie's hair while he whooped in victory.

"Thank you! That was a good feckin' fight! I haven't had a good tumble since 'da and I took a camping trip out there in Dean. Right good time! Hey Patricia! Cool! Didn't know you could fly! That's wicked cool! Thanks to you too Gabe! Taught me some new words today!"

Patricia blushed, landing on the shelf just across from Richie. Gabriel laughed and continued his climb up the tree.

"Not as cool as you fighting an entire tree!" Patricia protested

"Nah, it was more like a bit of a play fight, no harm done!"

"As long as you're alright. I found this book back there, I think it might have some healing spells if you want me to make sure?"

"Nah! I'll be alright. Not like the branches were trying to kill me or anythin'." Several branches seemed to wilt, and if they had faces, they'd probably be a little guilty looking. Patricia smiled.

"Hey! Check this out!" Gabriel shouted from below. The two Ravens looked down, Gabriel had reached the halfway point and several vines had emerged from the knot hole and were tossing Gabriel up and down through the air.

"I wonder how far they could toss us." Patricia mused, thinking about the possibilities. Maybe they could incorporated something like that into a ward scheme for their room with Nat. "I wish there was another tree on the other side of the library. We could toss ourselves or books back and forth instead of walking!"

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TOSSING ANY OF THESE BOOKS YOU IMPUDENT LITTLE SNOTS!" Salazar roared from two floors below. The three Ravens glanced at each other (well Gabe, tried, he was giggling hysterically from bouncing up and down vis-á-vis **Air Vine**) before sniggering behind their hands. There was a whooshing sound from behind Patricia and she whirled around.

It was the book she was reading, the shadows operating like tentacle arms, holding itself up on the book shelf. A smile spread across Patricia's face.

"Awww I didn't mean to drop you like that. Do you wanna help me figure out some ward schemes?" The book glowed brightly, opening to a very specific page number.

Patricia floated over to Richie, and Gabriel managed to get thrown high enough to land next to the two.

"Look! We can totally release the shadows to their full potential and then we can figure out how to throw that stupid knocker into the lake! It says the shadow is actually called Cthulhu."

* * *

Outside the Ravenclaw common room, a knocker felt an actual chill. He knew he should've never spoken to that dratted Hufflepuff.

* * *

Lady Marquis was _not_ amused. She'd come only because it would give her an excellent chance to better scope out the school she'd sent her most beloved son (she tried to forget the other idiot she'd sired). Being covered in spider guts was not how she'd intended to surprise her son today. Nothing she couldn't immediately fix, but it was the principle of the thing.

"Pray tell Madame Bones, is this how you treat all your honored guests?" Her voice soft and calculating. All of these fools were fortunate she'd even deigned to come help them. She had to hand it to Bones though, the woman hardly flinched.

"You have my deepest apologies Lady Marquis. We'd only wished to seek your guidance with this...issue before the situation was wrested from our control. We're roughly six miles from the nest." Madame Bones was most sincere.

The Lady Marquis raised a brow, wrested away indeed. She could see the massive smoke plume rising above the forest.

"And what led to such a...fiery conclusion Madame?" A smirk on her lips. The other witch, the one who'd cast the gut spilling curse stepped forward.

"First, apologies, that was my spell and it is I who should apologize. Hagrid and I were with Aragog, their patriarch. I was negotiating when a giant ars- giant fireball coming from the school landed smack in the middle of it all. Damn near set us on fire."

This prompted a single raised eyebrow. Shock, hidden.

"Who has the capability to launch a fireball strong and large enough to destroy and entire infestation of Acromantula?" Disbelief and a great deal of doubt.

* * *

Niamh sneezed. She and Natalie were pestering Salazar.

"I told you, you little cretin! There is no such thing as a Balrog! It is purely a figment of your imagination!"

"Well you're just an old sack of dog shite who hasn't left his painting or the castle in a thousand years So how would you know you decrepit old man!" Natalie shouted back. If the grin on her face was any indication, she was enjoying being able to insult and authority figure without the usual fear of repercussions. Salazar sputtered, horrified and incredibly indignant.

A gong echoed through the library.

The girls looked around in confusion.

"What was that?" Niamh asked.

"That little ducks, is the alarm 'Tasha put in place for us." Isabel said from behind the two. She snickered as the Ravens jumped, clutching each other in fright. "Apologies little ducks. It's time for lunch. We'll wait here until the others are rounded up."

Niamh and Natalie nodded dumbly.

"Such theatrics! Wasted in Godric's house! Absolutely wasted!" Salazar growled under his breath.

Within moments Patricia floated down, still reading up on Cthulhu, while Natasha arrived with an ice dusted Greg on her shoulders, with Gabriel and Richie walking behind her, arguing about the best way to "chuck someone so far and so fast that an abrupt halt would mean smooth expulsion of previous meal times".

"I could six little Ravens Isabel, mind double checking my maths?" Natasha asked with a grin. Isabel rolled her eyes and obliged, confirming.

"We'll be back Sally! Don't miss us too much!" And off they trotted, the little group catching quite a few odd looks on their way down to the great hall.

* * *

They'd just entered and sat down when the Ravenclaw Prefects surrounded them at the Hufflepuff table. Their gazes were dark and foreboding.

"And _where_ have you been with our students?" Demanded the idiot-prefect-who-angered-the-house-elves (Aberdeen). Granted, this question made sense. Niamh and Natalie had soot on their hands, Richie was covered in random nicks and bruises, Greg was literally dusted with blue ice, Patricia had a book with actual shadow arms coming out of it, and Gabriel was already halfway through a fourth orange in under a minute.

Natasha blinked once, then twice.

"I wasn't aware that you had students. Since when did McGonagall let you back on the tutoring roster?" She asked curiously, studiously ignoring the red flush on his neck. The little Ravens in question giggled.

"I do believe he is simply worried about their well being darling. We do look quite a sight." Isabel demurred. Natasha snorted. She was covered in dust and leaves.

"_You_ look spotless, _we_ look like we discovered Rowena's secret library and set off a bunch of explosions." Gabriel choked on his orange as he tried not to laugh.

The idiot-prefect-who-angered-the-house-elves got redder.

"Now is not the time for joking! We are charged with the care of our students and we need to ensure that they're having the most educational and _safest_ possible experience!"

"Are you saying you do not trust my Hufflepuffs?" It was Professor Sprout, a sly smile on her face. Aberdeen (the idiot-prefect-who-angered-the-house-elves) stammered, trying to back up.

"We just came to make sure they were doing alright Professor. I just want to make sure they're settling in alright." Interjected Stephanie Rothschilde. Sprout nodded and gave the little Ravens a smile, chuckling, and continued her walk to the head table.

"GOT IT!" Patricia exclaimed. The Auror contingent, Madame Bones, Lady Marquis and Matilda walked in at that moment. Can't work on an empty stomach after all.

"I can totally work Cthulhu into the wards! I just need some apples, two pieces of hair, a unicorn, and twelve reindeer." She peered over the edge of her book to find a silent hall staring stunned at the small girl.

"What? Reindeer are real!"


End file.
